What is love?

Ever since I was a child I heard the question "What is Love?" And I never could answer it. I have accepted the fact that this is one of those questions that no one has an answer for, just like the chicken and the egg. But I recently learned what love is, and it's so much more than I could ever imagine.  

Love is something we feel in our hearts, when we think about this person and the blood pumps faster. And it comes out of nowhere too; one day you go to sleep thinking about this friend of yours, and as you close your eyelids, you think "Yeah, they are my best friend." And just like that, when you wake up in the morning, you know you love them. You don't want to marry them, just hang around with them for the rest of your life.  

Which brings me to my next point: love is forever. Even when the person we love hurts us so deeply that we cannot look at them; it hurts so much because we love them so truly and purely. I've loved people who were not good for me, and I put them first, before me, and I tried everything to make them happy. We both got hurt, and I ruined our relationship forever. Just remembering what happened to us, it brings back all of my anxiety. But I love this person so much, and I think about them all the time. In heart, I'll always love this person 

And now, my last point: how do we show someone we love them? And that's easier than it sounds. My mother thought me about the languages of love. Some people feel loved when we give them presents, some people feel loved when we spend time with them, some people feel loved when we do things for them. Once we find out how to love someone, everything is easier. 

So, love is just like a tattoo, that pumps ink into our veins. Sometimes we remove tattoos, but our skin will be forever scarred by them. Sometimes we are born with one, and we have it until the day we die. But always, when we feel our hearts pumping a smile on our faces, just because we remember how lucky we are for having this someone in our lives, we get a new tattoo. 

I am a contradiction in terms

The glamour, the high fashion, the lights, and of course, the city that never sleeps. I am so in love with the lights that blink, with the idealization of reality, that I cannot fully enjoy life without searching for something more. That's probably why I've became a writer, my motto has always been, "can't find the story you want to read? Write it!", I can't seem to find the life I want to live, so I'll write it down.

I want to live in New York City, I don't ever want to sleep either. But at the same time, I don't ever wanna go home, only real people go home, I wanna live at the airport, how glamourous is it, flying around the world? I want to love and be loved, but I wanna be a slut. I don't wanna be judge, but I want to judge others. I want to buy new clothes, and I want them all to fit in my closet, without having to give anything away. I want fame and glamour, and I want peace and quiet. 

I'm not a hipocrate, I'm not shallow, and I'm not selfish. I hate to admit it, but I'm only human, and I'm contradictional. I'll live my life without being able to make all of my dreams come true. It's okay. We build castles and mansions out of our imagination, and in there we play with tigers, there's not gravity, but some things are never meant to happen. That's also okay. We just need to chose wisely which dreams are worth persueing, never insisting on impossible things, but never giving up on them without trying. After all, we might as well be as crazy as someone standing in a rainstorm with a kite. 

Forgiveness

Fighting with someone you love is awful experience we all know that. Everybody gets hurt. But sometimes, some people get so deeply hurt, the relationship ends. There's no way to know what the other person will hear, how they will interpretate your actions, or read your facial expressions. We can only speak for ourselves, and judge how we would feel if we're in their place. But maybe, something so little, is big deal for somebody else. Even knowing everything there's to know about a person, you can be sure of how they will react. 

When I say something that hurts somebody else, I feel instantly bad. I know what like to be hurt by words, specially by someone you love. I try everything to be forgiven. I hate fighting and leaving it, I don't want my best friend or my boyfriend to go to bed mad at me; that's not s good thing to take to your pillow. I always try to fix things up, so everything can sleep at time, knowing, at least, that we might fight and argue, and say hurtful things, but I'll always be there for them. And there's nothing in this world that will stop me. 

But when I get hurt, most of the times I don't feel that people try that hard. They say, "eh, I'm sorry.", and that's it. If I'm truly hurt, I'll want more than just "eh, I'm sorry." I want a hug, I want to hear "I wasn't nice to you, and I won't say "I'm sorry", because I don't know you to say "it's okay." It's not okay to hurt you. I will ask for your forgiveness" And I will forgive. Forgiveness is about me going to bed and sleeping nicely; it's not about who hurt me. It's not a present I'm giving them. It's about letting go of something that doesn't bring anything useful to my life, forgiving is healing. 

Today, I was hurt. And I didn't hear an apology. But I forgave. I want to live my life happily, I want to fill my mind with joy, and music, and laughter. I cannot deal with all these negativeness again, so now I'm forgiving. It doesn't matter what people say to me, I'll forgive them. Because revenge is not worth the time, my time! I could be doing something good with this time. Good things bring good things, bad things bring horrible things.